A rendezvous with the USS Vancouver brings Boimler face to face with his girlfriend, Barbara Brinson, whom he's been carrying on with over long distances, and whom Mariner doesn't believe actually exists, except maybe in a holodeck or Canada or something. When Brinson turns out to be a nice, hot, smart lieutenant (gasp!), Mariner is dumbfounded and suspicious. I mean, she can't really be into Boimler, right? I mean, look at the guy! Rather, she must be an alien lifeform using Boimler for nefarious purposes!
So ensues a half-hour of tedium in which we watch Mariner try to uncover the conspiracy here. She scans, she prods, she even cuts off a lock of Brinson's hair. Finally, she confronts the woman in a darkened room where it turns out Brinson is just as suspicious of Mariner being best friends with Boimler, because — I mean, it just makes no sense, amiright? Also, Boimler is panicked and jealous when he learns Brinson has an ex on her ship that she has lunch with and walks around with, and the guy is so much bigger and handsome-r and … oh, who cares.
This is tired and hacky sitcom material that's lazy and played out. As usual, the hijinks and volume and Trek Easter egg references are cranked up to infinity to cover up the shoddy material. There's a B-plot here involving the planned controlled destruction of an alien moon that threatens a planet while various aliens fight over whether or not it should happen. Also a C-plot where Tendi and Rutherford do work for a Vancouver crew member in exchange for a super-special-model scanner they can't get aboard the Cerritos. Really?
Again, who cares? I don't. This is not funny, it's cobbled together from a bunch of much better Trek episodes and sitcoms, I wasted my time watching it, and I'm not going to waste any more words talking about it.
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