Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
"Move Along Home"
Air date: 3/15/1993
Teleplay by Frederick Rappaport and Lisa Rich & Jeanne Carrigan-Fauci
Story by Michael Piller
Directed by David Carson
Review by Jamahl Epsicokhan
Quark cheats the first visitors from the Gamma Quadrant in a game of Dabo, so the aliens decide to give Quark a lesson in fair play with a game that places Sisko, Kira, Dax, and Bashir in the middle of a surreal fantasy situation as the players. In order to see the DS9 officers to safety, Quark must play the game through—gambling with lives instead of money.
There is one big problem with "Move Along Home," and it's that the premise is very, very far-fetched. It just doesn't make much sense. The technology—something that allows the senior officers to become players in a game that Quark and the aliens are able to manipulate on a playing board—is never explained (which might be a good thing considering the alternative of technobabble). And it seems awfully convenient that the four players in this game would happen to be the senior officers. The alien "game" sets are impressive, and Carson's overhead camera angles and surreal imagery earn full marks for atmospherics.
Rene Auberjonois turns in another strong performance as an urgent Odo, and some scenes early on between Sisko and his son work well. But Quark's overwrought "groveling scene" falls flat, as does the constant repetition by alien game master Falow (Joel Brooks), who says "Choose their path" and "Move along home!" way too many times in the course of the episode. The motivation for placing the four main characters in such apparent peril strains credulity, assuming it exists at all. A very handsomely produced and often entertaining show, but it bears little scrutiny.
Previous episode: The Passenger
Next episode: The Nagus
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98 comments on this post
Fri, Jul 11, 2008, 10:48pm (UTC -5)
Side note - there's a shot in "The Nagus" that is composed and staged exactly like a shot in the opening scenes of "The Godfather" - with Quark in the same position as Don Vito Corleone. In the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" episode "Restless" there's a dream sequence that similarly mimics a scene from "Apocalypse Now". In that scene the character of Principal Snyder is in place of Colonel Kurtz. It just always struck me as funny that Armin Shimmerman twice recreated iconic Marlon Brando roles on sci-fi/fantasy television shows.
P
Tue, Jul 24, 2012, 11:21pm (UTC -5)
This always felt more like an early Next Gen to me. And while I know this episode isn't very good and I can't defend it at all, I liked it. The way you like Spam. You KNOW it's not good, but sometimes, you just like that Spam.
But I ain't gonna pretend this is classic DS9.
Alamarain!
Mon, Aug 20, 2012, 7:46pm (UTC -5)
"Yes, yes. Now where are the games?"
The episode is 90% silliness, but that opener worked perfectly considering how nervous Sisko and the gang were just a minute prior.
Sat, Sep 8, 2012, 7:27am (UTC -5)
Tue, Sep 11, 2012, 2:27pm (UTC -5)
The first 'official' visitors from the Gamma Quadrant arrive, the Wadi, and immediately request to be taken to 'The Games' - when they learn that Quark has cheated them, they take it upon themselves to force him into a 'Game' of their own, the pieces involved being four of the Senior Officers.
And I have to admit I wasn't looking forward with breathless anticipation to rewatching this one. The scenes with Dax,Sisko, Kira and Bashir playing 'The Game' haven't aged well - for me the episodes best scene is the opening sequence with Sisko talking to Quark in his bar about 'First Contact' protocol and as seems par for the course, the episode's strongest performance is once more Rene Auberjonois as Odo trying to get to the bottom of the mystery. I had forgotten that the Primmin character (James Lashly) appeared in this as well as 'The Passenger' and it's a shame he wasn't reused at all, as the interaction between him and Odo worked quite well.
As an hour of inconsequential silliness, it just about works, but I can't help but think this is the Season 1 low point, together with maybe 'Q-Less'. Even the oft-disparaged 'If Wishes..' works better for me than this - 1.5 stars.
Thu, Apr 11, 2013, 4:00pm (UTC -5)
One nice moment was when Quark realized he was playing with the lives (or so he thought) of the officers, and made a choice to benefit them against his greed.
Sun, May 12, 2013, 1:17pm (UTC -5)
1: The used their transporter-like technology to dematerialize the officers and incorporated them physically into their game.
2: They were beamed into a holodeck-like area (white room) which is connected to the game on the station.
Both work fine with what we see, not everything needs to be explicitly explained (in fact that usually ruins everything when it is). After the game is over, they either re-materialize on the station or are beamed back down.
Sun, Jun 30, 2013, 11:42am (UTC -5)
The only thing I would say is that the challenges could have been a little more sinister or dangerous, I don't know, for me that was the missing element... I know that some of them were (forcefields, gas, cliffs) but for some reason they just didn't feel dangerous.
Plus some kind of visual from the game to the pyramid would have made sense so the players could see what was going on.
But all in all I still like it.
Wed, Jul 17, 2013, 5:18pm (UTC -5)
Fri, Aug 16, 2013, 8:47pm (UTC -5)
Fri, Sep 6, 2013, 5:07pm (UTC -5)
also, reminds me of a twilight zone.
or a movie on the Sci-Fi Channel called "The Cube."
trapped....
also..the girl singing..reminds me of the Nightmare on elm street song...
1-2. freddy is coming for you
3-4, lock the door.
5-6, crucifix
7-8, stay up late.
9-10, never sleep again..
I like when Quark realizes what the game means....great scene.
it looks like this is the show where they finally get Odo's makeup to look good. he no longer has the wrinkly divoted skin. it looks like plastic now.
but finally, i dont know what the problem is. Jammer ALWAYS gets upset with technobabble. and the miracle ending. he should be totally satisfied. they LOST! the did not find a way to save themselves. refreshing ending.
Wed, Sep 25, 2013, 6:45pm (UTC -5)
I would reverse the ratings. Move Along Home should get zero stars and The Way to Eden should get 2 1/2. At least there is some semblance of a plot in Eden. This just completely sucks.
Mon, Oct 14, 2013, 6:13pm (UTC -5)
Tue, Oct 22, 2013, 1:50pm (UTC -5)
5/10
Sun, Feb 23, 2014, 10:12am (UTC -5)
Fri, May 9, 2014, 12:41am (UTC -5)
Sun, May 11, 2014, 7:49pm (UTC -5)
Tue, Jun 24, 2014, 11:54am (UTC -5)
Not only has this episode earned DS9's worst, it's right there in “the worst of all trek” running competition.
At least Spock's Brain was so bad it was humorous. At least most of Threshold was good. At least some of TATV was heartfelt. (I could go on)
The best line was:
"QUARK: Oh, that's right, you were here for the grovelling."
This whole episode "smelt of elderberries".
I’ll bet Odo was pissed he wasn't the one to catch Quark cheating his customers.
1/2 star for Quark's great line.
Sat, Jul 26, 2014, 10:10pm (UTC -5)
Mon, Aug 11, 2014, 8:46pm (UTC -5)
There's a bit where Sisko comments that's it has been about 3 years since he wore his dress uniform (to Jake, no less) which would seem to suggest W359 and Jennifer's death. Very subtly, this little bit of dialogue is hinting that Sisko has reached a point of healing where he can embrace his Starfleet persona again. This is coupled with the discussion with his son about how Sisko still sees him as a younger boy, playing with models, not interesting in girls, etc. Overall, the scene demonstrates how Sisko was "stuck" from the time of Jennifer's death until his new rôle as commander of DS9. Brooks even manages to act. It's subdued, honest and real. Bravo for that. It's also the absolute highpoint for this episode.
Julian didn't "pack" his dress uniform? What the hell, replicate one! Speaking of, why the hell is Bashir in the welcoming committee at all? I don't recall every seeing Crusher in dress robes to meet a new species. At any rate, considering how terribly Sisko's last first contact went, I can understand why he's so eager to impress the Waddi.
And then they arrive, sporting colourful shapes on their foreheads and the proto-Talaxian swimwear collection. And they want to play GAMES. Oh, can't we just have a death-match or alien possession, or can't you just rewrite someone's DNA? Please???.
Act 1 : *, 17%
Something which always bugged me--and yes, I know that the economics of the future have always been vague in Star Trek--but it seems to me that in order for currency to mean anything between different cultures, there has to be a unit standard. Otherwise you're just trading the "money" for its material value, bartering. Between established powers, I can see that happening (Romulans, Klingons, Bajorans, etc), but between the Ferengi and the Waddi? How could their money mean anything to Quark?
So the head Waddi offers to bet one of his special one-size-fits-all dildos, "priceless" nectar and the contents of a drawer at Hot Topic and ends up winning several games of Dabbo. Now, I can understand that Sisko is tired of dealing with this compulsive gamers and wants to go home, but shouldn't he have someone other than Quark take care of them? Show them quarters? You know, someone who actual has to report to Sisko and Starfleet?
Up to this point, the act has been lukewarm, middling around some inane dialogue and cheap looking props. Then Quark decides he's lost enough and he cheats the Waddi out of another Dabbo, for which we can all hate him. Oh, not because he's a cheat but because he ends up being responsible for the rest of this episode. For reasons which are never explained, the greeting party (Sisko, Kira, Bashir and Dax) are transported (it seems) into a virtual world in their sleep.
Act 2 : *, 17%
First question: Sisko was in his pyjamas when he fell asleep, so why is he now in uniform and carrying a tricorder? For 89 seconds, we get to see Sisko pushing buttons in vain until he finally gets a door to open on the laughing Waddi, who greets him with our episode's title.
Following this we get a triple-threat of terrible, embarassing acting and scripting:
1) Fadil's jaw literally drops like a damned cartoon when Sisko "wakes" him from his--well, it sounded like a nocturnal emission, but let's call it nightmare.
2) Ferrel blandly informs us that there's no "immediate danger" (you're not a Vulcan, Jadzia, and if you were, you'd make T'Pol look like T'Pau).
3) Visitor loses her shit, screaming like a maniac that she's "a Bajoran administrator!" in case her colleagues didn't know....clomping around and sneering.
So, Jake goes to Odo for help and we learn that Sisko has been physically transported somewhere (and obviously the rest of them). So, they aren't hallucinating.
Odo confronts Lieutenant Primmin (from the last episode), who's so poorly written he finds the idea of the entire senior staff not showing up to work literally laughable. He's equal in rank to Dax and Bashir, so why wouldn't he even try calling one of them? What a doofus.
So the head Waddi insists Quark roll the dice while the others bang their dildos against their boxes. -- ahem --
"Ah, but there's the key; some will never understand while others will consider it...mere child's play." Now there's an example of a clunky line, tying together Quark's comment about not understanding with the forthcoming challenge in as lazy and obvious manner as possible, just to seem clever.
Ready, set, embarrass yourself! I don't know if I can describe how unbelievably bad the next scene is. I'm amazed this doesn't bear the "SPOCK'S BRAIN!!!" infamy it deserves. Perhaps because watching these poor assholes submit their dignity, dance, hopscotch and sing their way through the "challenge" (what exactly was the challenge, by the way?) is both basement level dreck and surprisingly boring. Quark wins some more crystals for his Wicca altar, begging the question: since Quark obviously can't see what's happening during the game's challenges, how can this possibly be entertaining for those casting bets in the game? What, the Waddi just punches some buttons, they wait around for a few minutes, then the result is announced? It's like playing fantasy football but never watching any of the games! And cue the ominous music, because, um, ominous.
Act 3 : .5 stars, 17%
Who cast these extras? Or is this deliberate? They all keep staring at the speaking cast like cats sniffing a chicken bone, all while goofily fondling objects in their hands...I guess it makes sense that they'd all be ADD, but wow is it distracting.
Anyway, Quark figures out that his pieces are actually the missing officers, because, you know, FOUR. Must be a Jedi.
Kira remarks "rhymes and riddles and mazes..." But we've only seen one challenge so far. Are we to imply that potentially interesting things have been happening off camera so we can watch the Waddi goof around? Well, I guess we should be grateful it was off screen based on the next scene.
Kira literally says "excuse me" twice before she starts throwing shit around, totally at her wits' end, and screaming at the room full of fake people. What a LUNATIC! Not to be outdone, Bashir reaches for a glass of...Tang, because you know, may as well get your drink on. So they all start choking on the gas while the Waddi tell them to drink and laugh there butts off. And, some more terrible group acting while they drink, and...they're cured. Wow, what puzzle! I've learned so much.
Act 4 : .5, 17%
So, rather than questioning the Waddi over his suspicions, Odo decides to have Primmin scan their ship for human lifesigns. Okay...but, he is willing to take a crap on Starfleet protocol (that pesky thing about not invading peoples' space without permission or due cause) by transporting over without permission from anyone. Speaking of permission, who's in command, now? O'Brien's not on the station. Is it Odo? Primmin? I have no idea. Surely there are other senior officers beyond the four in the game on a station a dozen times larger than the Enterprise D!
"Is it against Starfleet policy to press a few buttons?" Um, no. It's not the button pushing put the illegal search and seizure that's against the policy there, Constib--I mean, Chief Odo.
Anyway, Odo finds the closet from "Poltergeist" on their ship, and runs through to find himself in Quark's. So that whole business with Primmin served no purpose other than to give Odo an excuse to complain about Starfleet again. Remember that argument about strawmen in DS9 on the "Homefront" page? This is what I'm talking about.
Instead of holding a phaser to their heads or locking them up or confiscating their ship or taking their gameboard for analysis, Odo, in the brazen manner we've come to expect from him, insists that Quark choose the safer path! heh. So, Quark blows on the dice like a human, sentencing the un-fFantastic Four to be attacked by Creatures of the Third Kind, and Bashir is...deleted, I guess.
Quark decides to risk it all and...oh God, they're banging the dildos again...and Quark has to "sacrifice one so two may live." Dun dun duunnnn....
Act 5 : 0 stars, 17%
So Quark gets on his knees and we learn that, even though before the commercial break, he was willing to kill all of them so they might skip a level, he can't choose one to be sacrificed. It's poorly handled by the writers, but the sentiment is appreciated: Quark has a heart after all.
Last move: Bashir's disembodied voices lures Dax to her doom. She is physically injured by a cave-in. The three of them lumber about awkwardly until they realise they need to leave Jadzia behind to move along (home that is). But they refuse to do it on the grounds that fuck you. 2 minutes and 27 seconds of wordless, drama-less climbing about later, they all fall do their deaths. (horay...) Or do they?????
All four materialise in Quark's, uninjured, not dirty, but still wearing their uniforms. What? So the Waddi gave them their own tricorders which registered tectonic shifts, broken limbs and energy patterns, but it wasn't actually real? But Jadzia was still in pain? But it was really a game? Wait, what if someone had a weak constitution and had a heart attack during the fall? Would they suddenly not have had it? Hang on, if there was never any "real" danger, and none of the Waddi or Quark or Odo could see what we, the audience, had to endure watching, what was the fucking point of having the game pieces correlate to an imagined world for the Four? For whose benefit was that? Is it so the stakes feel artificially higher for the newbie player who thinks his friends will die? I guess it's only fun to play with people who haven't before. What a great game!
So, for the first time when I'm totally with Sisko getting in someone's face and potentially punching their lights out (these Waddi are asses), Odo steps in to lay the blame on Quark--who didn't realise he was playing with their fates to begin with (except, I guess he wasn't anyway), and when he did realise, collapsed in a pathetic heap at the thought of sentencing one of them to die! All while Odo did the important job of absolutely nothing to stop the Waddi from playing, questioning them about the game, or alerting someone who might be able to help. Yeah, Quark's the bad guy.
So, after that the Waddi just leave. That's that--no punishment, no followup, Sisko just lets them go back home. Gee I hope they enjoyed their day in the Alpha Quadrant.
Episode as Functionary : .25 stars, 10%
The first two minutes between Jake and Ben are good--in fact they're a welcome change of pace from the ham-fisted way exposition and characterisation have typically been handled this season--and for that I will award the episode a tiny, tiny bit of use. The rest of the episode is so utterly pointless, contrived and insulting, I would suggest never, ever subjecting yourself to it. From the perspective of pure entertainment, this is unquestionably the worst episode so far. Bad acting, cheap sets, cheap motivations, and all under the pretence of a some people having fun!
Final Score : .5 stars
Sun, Nov 23, 2014, 7:03am (UTC -5)
Thu, Dec 4, 2014, 5:57pm (UTC -5)
This is a surpassingly stupid episode, but I get the feeling that the people making it kind of knew that. Four of our leads play hopscotch for Christ’s sake! Obviously, the game makes absolutely no sense on a technological or metaphysical level, but I appreciate, as Jammer does, that they don’t try to explain any of it with technobabble. But the scenes in the game are mostly just kind of boring, and the repeated exclamations to “move along home” get quite old very quickly. We learn nothing new about any of the characters, and a token attempt to develop Quark fails due to the ultimately inconsequential nature of the game. As I said, however, there’s something slightly self-aware about “Move Along Home”: from Sisko lamenting the goofiness of their first visitors from the Gamma Quadrant, to Bashir forgetting his basically-identical dress uniform, to Quark’s fascination with a game that is apparently completely random and never actually explained to him. Not a good episode, but I don’t have the complete scorn for it that others seem to.
The Good:
- Unless stated otherwise, just assume Odo is a positive component of any episode.
- Hey, Primmin! Is he going to keep showing up? I’d be fine with that.
- I really liked the Sisko-Jake scenes. We haven’t seen much of Junior, but I’m glad his relationship with his dad is largely positive.
- I liked Dax asking the others to leave her behind. I continue to enjoy the Sisko/Dax relationship, and I think it’s interesting how Dax continually tries to hurt Sisko’s feelings in order to get him to stop looking after her.
The Bad:
- It is slightly disappointing that they wasted their first diplomatic meeting with Gamma visitors on the jolly gamblers. In general, the show hasn’t been exceptional at following up on interesting parts of the pilot: the Gamma Quadrant, the wormhole aliens, the Cardassians, Bajoran religion and Sisko’s role in that theology, and Bajoran-Federation relations have hardly been addressed at all.
Tue, Feb 17, 2015, 5:38am (UTC -5)
Sun, Mar 1, 2015, 11:24pm (UTC -5)
Someone also mentioned that it was like VOY's 'The Thaw'. In this case, I think VOY executed it much better. Of course, that might have been because in VOY, there was a very real danger of actually dying, but I think VOY nailed the suspenseful, eerie atmosphere much better than 'Move Along Home' did. Then again, clowns are always creepy, but instead we get the Wadi with their Legolas hairstyles here.
Mon, Jun 15, 2015, 5:41pm (UTC -5)
But what I most noticed re-watching this episode is how I now view the Jake scenes. When this first aired, I was mostly just embarrassed for him (I wasn't that much older than him). Now, I laughed & enjoyed his discomfort. I guess that means I'm old now.
Thu, Jun 25, 2015, 2:49pm (UTC -5)
So Sisko's conflicting feelings -- he wants Jake to stay a child and make models and play games; he wants the Wadi to stop acting like children and stop playing games -- in principle could give meaning to he and the senior staff being locked in a game. Maybe there could have been something about "thinking like children" involving a sense of creativity and non-rigid thinking necessary to get out of the puzzles, which could lead to life lessons of keeping one's sense of fun and wonder into adult responsibilities. That type of thing.
Anyway, instead we got this! Lots of people have talked above about how terrible this episode is, and I don't feel the need to reiterate those points. I gotta say though, I like how the closest things we see to a "riddle" are 1) hopscotch and 2) the riddle, Q: "why are a bunch of Wadi not dying of smoke inhalation," where the hint is the Wadi saying "DRINK!!!!!!!" and the answer is A: "They are drinking an anti-smoke inhalation liquid." On Quark's end, literally the only choices he ever makes are between the short way and the long way -- and he insists on being able to make reasonable guesses about what the relative dangers are!
Quark officially has a conscience and cares about not killing the senior staff of the station -- for what it's worth.
That took long for Primmin to be reduced to total joke.
Odo and Quark sure accepted quickly that there were no other options, at all, but to play through the game and to try their best to win; and, further, that the only option was to do so still without demanding any new rules instructions, etc.
What a strange mess. Which -- well, it wouldn't be *okay* if the episode were more interesting, but it would at least be a mixed bag. This is nonsensical and also totally boring, at times simply ludicrous. 0.5 stars -- I think this is the worst episode of DS9's first half, though I might stand corrected.
Fri, Aug 14, 2015, 4:04pm (UTC -5)
That being said, I am one of those sci-fi fans that can turn my brain off and just enjoy stoopid, silly fun for what it is. This episode has a very TOS feel for me, as others have commented.
I dont mind the occasional foray into the absurd and silly, but admittedly some episodes do this much better than others. This is one of my favorites, especially considering how heavy and emotionally involving the series becomes later on.
Thu, Oct 22, 2015, 11:13am (UTC -5)
Still, we do get the command staff playing hopscotch while reciting a children's rhyme. And you don't see that every day. 1.5 stars.
Sun, Jan 3, 2016, 4:35pm (UTC -5)
However, the big giveaway here is that Bashir can't die. Neither is there ever any doubt that nothing permanent could happen to any of the senior staff. This might be a darker Trek, but it's hardly an "anyone can die" show. Still, I hardly "hate" this episode. I actually did skip it when re-watching, but decided to go back. It's still at least "ok".
Thu, Feb 4, 2016, 9:11am (UTC -5)
Allamaraine, then three more. (Oh, please stop!)
Allamaraine, if you can see. (Why are you doing this?!)
Allamaraine, you'll come with me. (*crying*)
Allamaraine. Third shap. (Just kill me now.)
"Hey there, potential viewers, are you interested in "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"? Well, have we got just the episode for you! Watch as your heroes boldly play alien hopscotch while singing an asinine rhythm, solve puzzles that are so easy even your preschool-aged children could figure them out and then fall off a cliff! All the while, your intrepid Security Chief will spend most of the episode acting like an ass to the one character trying to aide the heroes. If this doesn't get you hooked on this new, exciting series, nothing will!!!!!"
Wow! It's been quite a while since I laughed this hard at such an utter and complete failure! What the hell were they thinking with this?! First, they decide to take four characters (the two most insufferable - Dax and Bashir, the one who has gotten hardly any character development - Sisko, and Kira) and place them in the most unimaginative and uninteresting scenario possible. Second, they have Kira act wildly belligerent - so much so that it's even out of character for her. Third, they have Odo act like either a complete dickhead or a total imbecile (pick your poison)(and, by the way, pushing a few buttons isn't against Starfleet regulations, but aiding and abetting a criminal act is; you would think the CHIEF OF SECURITY would know that, but since we've already seen him illegally wire-tap Quark, I guess we shouldn't put anything past Odo). Fourth, they reduce Primmin to an absolute clown (good thing he never returned). Fifth, they force the audience to endure the most mind-numbingly boring set of "obstacles" with the four "players" possible. Sixth, they shit all over Quark even though he's the only one who actually shows any consistent consideration for the lives of the "players" in the entire episode.
And, of course, this deserves special recognition - *laugh* "It's only a game." Um, was that supposed to be whimsical or something.... or make me laugh? Because it wasn't. All that did was confirm that everything I just endured meant.... absolutely nothing. Bravo, people, bravo! You took an already horrible episode and shit all over it. Bra-fucking-vo! LOL!
What is not laughable, however, but really sad is that "Move Along Home" actually started out rather promisingly. We have some decent father/son dialogue with Sisko and Jake and we have a First Contact situation with a new species that is obsessed with gaming. We could have gotten some character development from the father/son stuff, but instead that gets destroyed by Sisko not wanting to Jake to grow up while simultaneously wanting the Wadi to stop acting child-like. And the meeting of this new game-addicted civilization (something that has a lot of potential) is ruined by having their "game" be stupid.
This is something that would fit in perfectly with the dreck of TNG Season One. I would say the only thing missing is the crushing sense of smug arrogance, but even that comes out in the final treatment of Quark (which is what really grates on me about "Move Along Home"). I'm just going to copy this, from Elliott's review.... "So, for the first time when I'm totally with Sisko getting in someone's face and potentially punching their lights out (these Wadi are asses), Odo steps in to lay the blame on Quark--who didn't realize he was playing with their fates to begin with (except, I guess he wasn't anyway), and when he did realize, collapsed in a pathetic heap at the thought of sentencing one of them to die! All while Odo did the important job of absolutely nothing to stop the Wadi from playing, questioning them about the game, or alerting someone who might be able to help. Yeah, Quark's the bad guy." But, then again, I guess we're supposed to hate Quark because.... .... .... .... yeah, moving on.
Seriously, the only thing (and I do mean the ONLY thing) saving this episode from the dung-heap and a zero star rating is the fact it does show us that Quark does have his limits. When he breaks down in a blubbering mess on the floor at the thought of sacrificing one of the "players" it not only shows that he's more compassionate than any other character in this episode but that he's also.... well maybe not a "rogue with a heart of gold" but at least a likable rogue.
1/10
Thu, Feb 4, 2016, 9:20am (UTC -5)
"Odo finds the closet from "Poltergeist" on their ship" LAMO!
Thu, Feb 25, 2016, 9:04am (UTC -5)
OH... GeeZ! What did I JUST WATCH!? What?... *waves arms around frantically*... What were they Thinking!? ...*facepalms* *shakes head* *squints eyes* ...
I still look back at this one and do sort of the same thing, except I shake my fist at the sky (ala John Cleese) as opposed to waving my arms around (I hurt my shoulder once and it just isn't the same waving with one arm, and sort of flopping the other one around...).
Of all the early episodes, this one made me repeat "Give it time... Give it time..." more than any other. I've really attempted to find anything redeeming about it, but just the memory of "Move Along Home!..." overwhelms me and I end up in a fetal position with drool on my chin, lamely shaking my fist skyward...
Heh, I loved the review by Elliott as well. I've read it before, but it'd been a while. Reading their take on Act 5 brought me to tears. :D
Have a great day Everyone!... RT
Thu, Feb 25, 2016, 10:24am (UTC -5)
Tue, Mar 8, 2016, 1:11pm (UTC -5)
"Choose their path. Double their peril, double your winnings!" THIRD SHAP.
So awesomely bad. There are only a few of these gems in DS9, I've learned to really savor (and laugh, and continuously quote their most memorably funny lines)
Great review site!
~dillz
Fri, Jul 8, 2016, 10:52am (UTC -5)
Fri, Jul 8, 2016, 2:38pm (UTC -5)
Happy 2016 Elliot! I remember you from 2013!
Sat, Aug 13, 2016, 1:55pm (UTC -5)
I stopped and will not watch anymore DS9. Any series that will go to the extent of writing, directing, producing, and then airing this load of crap can never recover to an acceptable average.
I came here to find out if this episode was an aberration and that the rest is good, only to find a lot of people claiming that this is actually not such a bad episode.
WTF! Seriously WTF!
Mon, Aug 15, 2016, 9:30am (UTC -5)
With that rationale, you wouldn't have made it past TNG's 3rd episode. Though this one's a stinker for sure, I assure you most of even DS9's first season is great to excellent. Especially in comparison to TNG's season 1.
Tue, Aug 30, 2016, 11:27pm (UTC -5)
It would have been better if someone said to her at the end of the episode something like, 'well, you'll have to get used to it.'
Thu, Dec 8, 2016, 2:50am (UTC -5)
1 sip whenever someone says "home"
1 sip whenever someone says "allamaraine"
1 sip whenever someone says "shap"
1 sip whenever someone says "game"
1 sip whenever someone says "double"
Bonus:
Take a shot whenever Odo blows Quark
Sun, Dec 11, 2016, 2:42am (UTC -5)
Sun, Jan 1, 2017, 12:31am (UTC -5)
Mon, Jan 23, 2017, 4:54pm (UTC -5)
Sat, Mar 18, 2017, 11:23am (UTC -5)
Tue, Aug 1, 2017, 3:40pm (UTC -5)
Wed, Aug 30, 2017, 9:37am (UTC -5)
Mon, Apr 16, 2018, 3:51pm (UTC -5)
This episode gets a 1star from me.
Mon, Apr 30, 2018, 8:34am (UTC -5)
I agree with you re Nana Visitor. I'm just doing a rewatch of DS9 and find her, Terry Farrell and Siddig el Fadil the worst actors at this stage. In my opinion, Farrell and Siddig vastly improve - pretty quickly - but I never learned to like Visitor's portrayal of Kira.
Knowing they were trying to keep Michelle Forbes as Ro in a similar role really does make me long for that might-have-been...
Tue, May 22, 2018, 4:48pm (UTC -5)
The biggest problem is the lack of consequences, but DS9 wasn't that heavily serialized yet, so that makes it seem worse in hindsight. It's one of the worst episodes of Season 1, but that just shows how strong the season was overall.
Wed, May 23, 2018, 10:54am (UTC -5)
What? DS9 season 1 is pretty universially considered the worst season in all of trek.
Wed, May 23, 2018, 11:00am (UTC -5)
Uh...really? I can think of three series that blatantly had worse S1's, and another that I personally think did although others disagree. You can guess which that is, but only TOS *definitely* had a better S1 as far as I'm concerned.
Wed, May 23, 2018, 11:47am (UTC -5)
Before this becomes Voyager bashing, I’ll go ahead and nominate S7 of TNG as the worst (with the caveat of it also having the best Trek series finale). I think there’s consensus among fans that it’s pretty terrible. Of course I haven’t even been able to sit through most of ENT so make of that what you will.
Wed, May 23, 2018, 12:02pm (UTC -5)
Wed, May 23, 2018, 12:57pm (UTC -5)
My point was that TOS S1 is definitely unparalleled, and arguably VOY S1 was better/equal to it, but the rest of the series got off to a worse start than DS9 did. Sure - Move Along Home is painful (although I can't help but giggle when they're forced to play hopscotch, WTF!) and so are a couple of others, but if you get 2-3 classics in a given season that's already pretty good. Here we have Emissary, Duet, and I think In the Hands of the Prophets is up there too as classic Trek (in the same vein as Measure of a Man in terms of being pure Trek). TNG S7 also had the finale, Parallels (a personal favorite), and Lower Decks, so not all bad there. Also worth noting in TNG's case is that the quality of the ensemble by this time was so high that even a mediocre or poor episode script would still have that 'TNG feel' and comraderie that even the best of ENT never achieved. So while TNG S7 suffers from bad scripts overall the show is somehow still really good to watch on a pure 'this feels like a great show' level. That counts for a lot to me, and actually is how I feel about a lot of DS9 S1-2.
Thu, Jun 21, 2018, 11:18pm (UTC -5)
-TOS S3
-TNG S1
-TNG S2
-VOY S2
-VOY S3
-VOY S7
-ENT S1
-ENT S2
-DIS 1
Fri, Jun 22, 2018, 6:21am (UTC -5)
I've ranked DS9, VOY and ENT so far. Here are my season 1 ratings (Jammer's scale)
VOY S1 - 3.07
ENT S1 - 2.96
DS9 - 2.08
So in my view, DS9 S1 is exponentially worse than all the others. I'm pretty certain TOS S1 will fare better and even the much maligned TNG S1 will rate higher than a 2.08.
I do agree DS9 S1 had some great ones. "Duet" is my #2 DS9 episode. I also gave 4.0's to "Captive Pursuit" and "In the Hands of the Prophets" and ranked "Emmisary" a 3.5; but the rest of the season just dragged everything down. Some epically poor episodes.
Peter G, it certainly is a matter of taste.... I'll give you that. I personally was surprised at my VOY S1 rating. I always liked it better than DS9 S1 but I didn't predicted such a numerical gap.
Chrome, I really need to gt off my butt and finish Enterprise so I can join the masses and offically rate TNG. Should be fun.
Fri, Jun 22, 2018, 4:00pm (UTC -5)
Wed, Jul 11, 2018, 5:25pm (UTC -5)
Tue, Jul 24, 2018, 4:35pm (UTC -5)
0.5 stars.
Sat, Aug 18, 2018, 12:49am (UTC -5)
Thu, Nov 1, 2018, 7:37pm (UTC -5)
The aliens who are supposed to represent first contact with a GQ species were stupidly outfitted and ultimately, if there's a lesson to be taken from them (perhaps about integrity?) it's completely lost in the nonsense.
The scene with Quark grovelling just came across as pathetic -- and it was impossible to take him seriously. That's a problem with this character in that one can't take him not being devious in some way.
I think there was supposed to be a B-plot of father giving son lessons about girls but that went nowhere since Sisko spent most of the episode in the maze. But it continues the idea that Nog is a bad influence on Jake.
This actually felt like an early TNG episode, which is not good considering S1 & S2 are the 2 worst seasons in the Trek cannon.
And why was Kira freaking out so much? Seemed excessive. We know she's supposed to be especially fiery to start the series but some of her characterization was over the top.
Barely 1.5 stars for "Move Along Home" -- first contact gone wrong because Quark's an idiot. The ringer he gets put through in deciding which of the 3 to sacrifice pales in comparison to what the 4 senior officers had to go through. Another set of stupid random aliens here with technology that goes beyond the required Trek suspension of disbelief. Just an early warning that DS9 will produce a handful of really dumb episodes over 7 seasons, but that one can forget in the grand scheme of things.
Thu, Nov 15, 2018, 5:49pm (UTC -5)
Fri, Nov 16, 2018, 1:55pm (UTC -5)
Fri, Nov 16, 2018, 1:57pm (UTC -5)
I can only hope by the time humans live on space stations auto correct actually works
Wed, Nov 21, 2018, 10:37pm (UTC -5)
This is a stinker.
Sun, Jan 20, 2019, 8:42am (UTC -5)
Mon, Feb 4, 2019, 5:55pm (UTC -5)
Tue, Feb 19, 2019, 5:35pm (UTC -5)
Wed, Apr 24, 2019, 12:41am (UTC -5)
2/4
Mon, May 6, 2019, 1:46pm (UTC -5)
Tue, May 28, 2019, 12:48pm (UTC -5)
Mon, Dec 16, 2019, 2:53pm (UTC -5)
Tue, Feb 25, 2020, 4:40pm (UTC -5)
Fri, Jul 10, 2020, 9:48pm (UTC -5)
Wed, Nov 11, 2020, 10:14am (UTC -5)
Wed, Nov 11, 2020, 1:19pm (UTC -5)
How can you say this is worse than Voyager's "Twisted" or "Threshold"? I gave it a 6/10. I thought making Quark decide which player to sacrifice in order to save the others really added to the tension.
One thing I'm not clear on is whether the players were in some sort of holodeck, beamed down to a planet, or in some sort of hallucination?
Sun, Nov 15, 2020, 4:34am (UTC -5)
Thu, Apr 1, 2021, 3:05pm (UTC -5)
How can you say Twisted is on the level of Threshold?
Sat, Jul 31, 2021, 9:25pm (UTC -5)
But I'll say this-- just like The Naked Now, every DS9 viewer that saw it first run absolutely has bits of it seared into their memory. In this case, of course:
"Alamarain!"
Wow.
Definitely meant to be taken lightly. How in the world does Quark figure out the pieces in the game are the officers? That is such a leap it practically demands Quark be telepathic.
Also, there is a solid sci-fi concept here, in that alien cultures could have very different values and ways of meeting other cultures. To them, this crazy game may indeed be their method of first contact. Really, this should probably happen all the time, instead of the more common Space Romans, Space Proud Warriors, Space Capitalists, etc.
Mon, Aug 9, 2021, 1:04pm (UTC -5)
Mon, Aug 9, 2021, 1:07pm (UTC -5)
Hey, that's the best scene in the episode!!
Mon, Aug 9, 2021, 1:47pm (UTC -5)
Mon, Aug 9, 2021, 1:54pm (UTC -5)
That scene is only funny if you already know the story, because it becomes equivalent to a D&D player weeping and begging the DM not to make him roll that constitution roll to stabilize from near-death. I bet such things happen! It's just impossible to un-know that's the situation and to take the gravity of the situation seriously. No wonder the Wadi are rolling their eyes.
Sun, Sep 5, 2021, 4:56pm (UTC -5)
That is a really good point. When you don't know what's really going on, they seem quite callous and indifferent. But they're actually thinking "what the hell is wrong with these people?"
Sun, Nov 7, 2021, 3:16pm (UTC -5)
>How can you say Twisted is on the level of Threshold?
They are both 1/10 episodes. The ship warping and reconfiguring in such a perfect way made no sense. There was no solution to their problem. There was no character development and as far as I remember, no humour. It had nothing going for it, yes it's not as insulting to the viewer's intelligence as "Threshold", but still deserves the lowest possible score.
Mon, Dec 20, 2021, 2:19am (UTC -5)
Just two notes:
1. Absolutely ridiculous and grotesque that a species from the Gamma Quadrant should be completely human apart from a few symbols painted on their forehead. Do the producers think us so stupid that we would accept that without question? If they can do Ferengi, then they could certainly do something imaginative and convincing.
2. Cirroc Lofton is simply wonderful as Jake - one of the few Trek child actors who really convinces in their role.
2.5 stars.
Sun, Dec 26, 2021, 11:01pm (UTC -5)
Mon, Dec 27, 2021, 3:42am (UTC -5)
Thu, Jan 20, 2022, 11:22am (UTC -5)
For me, this is 'Masks' all over again: basically, our crew are inadvertently trapped in a confounding internal narrative by technologically superior aliens to communicate some of their own culture. Unfortunately it is not particularly engaging: we look on as obscure references are trotted out ('Allamaraine!' 'Shap one, two!' etc etc), as the head alien repeats himself, and as the crew wander around in peril that does not feel remotely perilous.
I did like the ending, though - with the revelation that they were never in any real sanger at all. And watching Dax, Sisko, Kira and Bashir doing hopscotch in all supposed seriousness is just so bizarre that it raised a smile if only for how ridiculous the script is. Given how early on this episode was, I do wonder if the cast at exactly that point experienced a pang of regret about what they had signed up for.
This is also the second of two episodes in a row in which Siddig El Fadil's acting is distractingly *extremely* over the top. I'd actually forgotten how cringeworthily bad he was in the first ten episodes of the series. Thankfully he toned it down a lot as time went on.
Thu, Jan 20, 2022, 11:28am (UTC -5)
Sat, Mar 19, 2022, 6:25pm (UTC -5)
Mon, Jul 11, 2022, 9:30am (UTC -5)
Mon, Jul 11, 2022, 10:47am (UTC -5)
Reminds me of some of the absolute stupidest, dumbest, most idiotic T.O.S. episodes I had the displeasure of watching before I gave up on that show, with creepy kids, surreal mind trips, Kafkaesque puzzles, etc.
I'll probably bail soon; if y'all don't see a comment from me on a later episode though, you can assume this one caused my I.Q. to hemorrhage to the point I devolved to a vegetable...
Sun, Sep 4, 2022, 12:16am (UTC -5)
Sun, Sep 4, 2022, 10:08am (UTC -5)
Wait till you get to "If Wishes Were Horses", it's certainly the worst of DS9 in my opinion.
Fri, Oct 7, 2022, 11:07pm (UTC -5)
I couldn't resist.
It's only a game.
I just started rewatching DS9. I don't remember if this is my least favorite episode. Actually it's kind of hard for me not to laugh while watching it.
Mon, Oct 10, 2022, 9:23pm (UTC -5)
No damn Dominion War.
Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 7:30am (UTC -5)
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