Star Trek: The Next Generation
Air date: 4/22/1991
Teleplay by Ira Steven Behr
Story by Randee Russell and Ira Steven Behr
Directed by Cliff Bole
Review by Jamahl Epsicokhan
The Enterprise plays host to an archeological conference, during which Vash (Jennifer Hetrick, in a particularly sub-par performance) boards the ship ostensibly to rekindle some heat with Picard (following up last year's "Captain's Holiday"), but maybe also because she has a scheme up her sleeve involving some illegal archeologizing (new word; I made it up), which drives Picard's stolid sense of duty up the wall even as he cannot fully squelch that voice in his head that says he's attracted to her.
Then Q shows up (in his most perfunctory appearance of all time) claiming that he simply wants to thank Picard for saving his life in "Deja Q." When Picard balks, Q decides to teach him a lesson about those pesky love feelings that Picard claims to eschew regarding Vash. So Q teleports the crew to a fantasy realm. But there clearly was never a story here. This is the sort of brain-dead production where someone said: "We need a Q story. What are we going to do?" And then someone else brilliantly offered up, "Robin Hood!"
"Qpid" is stupid (even dumber than that rhyme) — amazingly even worse than "Captain's Holiday," featuring an even more transparent sense of going through the clunky motions of laborious action/comedy. About a minute after Q snapped his fingers and sent the entire crew into Sherwood Forest, I was ready to check out. This is one of those TNG fantasies where anything can happen, and nothing does. The plot is nonexistent. The production and costume designers and stunt coordinators spend all their money on period details and swordplay while those of us wanting this to have any purpose are left scratching our heads. It's a snooze fest. As Q comedies go, this doesn't have an ounce of the charm of "Deja Q." Everything feels forced.
Okay, it has a couple of marginally funny moments, like when the crew is so interested in this Vash woman that Picard is so tight-lipped about. Or where Worf purposely smashes Geordi's mandolin and then says, "Sorry." (I'm lukewarm to Worf's "I am NOT a merry man!" line.) But mostly it's an aimless, disjoined mess of lame Picard/Vash bickering and hackneyed action that has no purpose and little entertainment value.